ONE LAST TRY!
so, i came home today and asked bartendica to lunch. it had just been bothering me and i felt like i needed to try one more time. we met and it started out as a rather chili ordeal. she wasnt saying a whole lot and i was trying to use a few funny lines to break the ice. (sorry, thats what i do)…when the ice finally did break, i fell in. she was still mad about something that happened the night she ended everything, about a month ago. i agree, it was completely my fault. i invited her to meet me at primos and when she finally said she was coming, i told her we were leaving, which we were. and rather than telling her to meet us at the next spot, i said, (after a few beers), that we wouldnt be there past 9 (an hour or so)… apparently, (i only say apparently because i dont really remember because its been a month), but apparently, we stayed until 9:30 or 10. whichever the case, i should have been more considerate. considering we have such limited time to hang out. she works deep nights, i work early mornings. i was wrong.
there were several other things that i did wrong as well…(i was reminded), including never taking her on vacation alone. like i did with justine 5 years ago. and to think, i had almost forgot about that. but in the four trips that i invited her on to mexico this past year, we went with jc and kinsie, or shanon and some chick…
i was also made aware of my intimacy issues, always wanting to be in a big group of people, and several other ways that i fell short of being a good boyfriend. so i would say that overall, it was a very informative lunch.
i love her ya’ll…very much. we’ve been through alot together this past year. the biggest of which was payton’s arrival. (my 16 year old son that lived in kansas city but came to live with me…only to leave 3 months later.) but yesterday, i was truly confused as to why she ever was with me in the first place if i have this many problems…
how in the heck have my parents made it for 50+ years? neither of them are perfect but they seem to be putting up with each other pretty well! i guess what they say is true. its all about not only the work you put into the relationship, but simply how willing you are to accept not only the stuff you do like about the person… thats the easy part. but its also about how much of the stuff you’re not crazy about that you are willing to put up with. i’ll touch on that at a later date.
i actually invited bartendica to lunch with the thought that maybe we could try it one more time. but after hearing all of the ways that i had screwed up, it became pretty apparent that there was no way that i could once again make happy the woman that last year this time, from all indications, was REALLY FREAKIN happy. as people have told me, sometimes love just isn’t enough.
i will say this, through it all, my boy redneck steve has offered some pretty good advice. maybe because we have both been through the same trenches. we didnt go through them together but we know what they smell like. ive probably talked more to him than any other dude ever about this whole thing and he gets it. he likes us both so dont think he’s just on my side. its hard for a dude to talk to another dude about relationship crap but for whatever reason, we can do it.
im glad thats the dude im opening up a bar with!!! he’s a good friend.
go to www.bigalandredneckstevesbeerbucket.com to get the latest on the grand opening as well as directions to the bar and we plan on even having web cams to watch the happenings. in fact, if you buy a t-shirt, you never know…you may be the one to win a free trip to mexico just by buying a simple tshirt!!!
the second word to win is: BAR…
May 7, 2008 at 7:52 am
Leave her alone Al!!!! Each time you call her, meet with her, text her, etc it brings everything up all over again. Its over - leave her alone so that she (AND YOU) can get over this and move on.
May 7, 2008 at 8:28 am
At least you’ll know in your next relationship what NOT to do and how to treat a woman with more respect. My now husband and I went to the beach alone after only dating a couple of months and we had a great time. We just really enjoy each others company and we would meet new people at Florabama Lounge or on the beach. Maybe you should go talk to a therapist about your intimacy issues and what makes you nervous or uncomfortable about one-on-one with Bartendica or whomever. Well, at least you tried one more time and now you know it’s not meant to be. Keep looking forward Al, there’s a lot of excitement coming your way with the bar opening. I just so wish we could be there. I know it’s going to be a HUGE success!
May 7, 2008 at 8:42 am
BIG DUMMY
Have you ever thought about waking up & try to think of her feelings for once. God! You love her so much but you won’t change any of your ways. HELLO! You will always be ALONE!
May 7, 2008 at 9:24 am
I think it is a very difficult situation. You have ways that have been yours for years, but not necessarily helped you out much. Bartendica was just expressing her feelings and if you really listen she is not asking for anything out of the ordinary. If you love her, really love her you will make those changes for her. And those changes are not life changing Al, but losing Bartendica for good could be.
Good luck with the new bar.
May 7, 2008 at 9:32 am
You seem to love Bartendica a lot, but if TWO people want to make things work, at some point they BOTH have to FORGET the past mistakes, AGREE to work on the relationship and not dwell on the PAST. You can’t change the past, only improve the future with either Bartendica or whoever the future holds for you. Keep your head up, don’t repeat the same mistakes, do what you know is right, and the rest will take care of itself. No relationship is easy, both parties always make mistakes, it’s how you correct those mistakes that counts. I’m sure your parents have had to overcome a lot in all these years, but they were able to admit neither one is perfect and their love is obviously very, very strong.
May 7, 2008 at 9:39 am
How come you guys are hatin on Al?
If you love her, man, keep trying. She’ll come around. You’ve got my support!
- Jaden
May 7, 2008 at 10:14 am
Al, what Bartendica wants from you is what pretty much all women want from their man (in a serious relationship), and if you’re not willing to change that about you, it’s sad, but get use to the idea of being alone. If your feelings toward her were strong enougth, you would do it.
Remember, you can’t have it ALL.
May 7, 2008 at 10:34 am
I say if you want her, keep trying. You really can start over and fall in love with each other again. The problem is always the same though, you not giving her alone time and making her feel special. And getting advice from Redneck?? Look at his track record and I think you will find that you are looking in the wrong place to further your love relationships.
May 7, 2008 at 10:35 am
Al, you are becoming a man, at last. What a wonderful move on your part. I still wish you would just embrace her, WANT to be with her more than you want to be with your “boys”, and think of all the times you had plenty of time to check in with her — not to be MONITORED, but just to touch base and let her know she is a high priority.
I wish it could work, but until you have similar schedules, it would be tough. If she had more of a commitment, maybe she would change jobs or do something during your hours, or closer to your hours…
I think you really love each other and I know sometimes love isn’t enough. I let go of the love of my life because I didn’t want to get married after 7 yrs together. We spent 9.5 years apart, but fate, buddha, the Lord, whatever — led us back to one another and this time, we’re married and more grown up than before, soulmates always, but *I* was too stubborn to compromise before, and we lost all this TIME! Don’t do what we did.
Gosh, my wish for you is to not waste 10 yrs being with others, and then end up back together, having lost so much TIME. Think, what will you be doing in 10 years? Wouldn’t you like to be with Bartendica? Do you both really want to not work on this, and then find new people, go t hrough the “new” period with them, work out all the issues with a new person, have problems with a new person?
So, why not just work out the 10% you can’t get right ON THIS important relationship, and not start from scratch, you’re going to have issues and problems with anyone. Look what you have already been through… and now, maybe you are willing to change, having made a breakthrough about your self?
Please, I believe in you two!
May 7, 2008 at 11:04 am
I don’t mean to be rude, but Bartendica is being ridiculous if she is mad you haven’t gone on a vacation alone, but you did w/ another girl five years ago. I know that’s not all that’s going on, but she shouldn’t be mad at that. Hello, it’s called the past, who cares.
May 7, 2008 at 12:43 pm
If you truly love her and have feelings for her you will change your ways many have done it. But if you are in a slump with catching females and you are just going back to Bartindica cause your game is weak that’s not fair to her. So be real about the situation you are not a kid anymore, MANUP!! YOU CAN DO IT!!!
May 7, 2008 at 12:43 pm
Al, I think it was worth a shot. Now that you know, though. You could maybe work on it. There plenty of women out here, in this area who would love to get to know you. YOU! The real YOU. Understand? Hiding behind other people cause you don’t want to face your issues is something people do all the time. You are better than that, you just have to think so, too.
May 7, 2008 at 12:51 pm
I agree with Jaden… why hate on AL? You could make Bartendica happy now that you know the mistakes you made with her. Since you’ve admitted you were wrong, she should stop being mad.
May 7, 2008 at 3:54 pm
Hey Al,
Sounds like her communication skills stink. She knows who you are and that you’re thick. She’s got to tell you directly and immediately when she’s not happy with something. You’ll either see it her way and fix it or not. You’d both know where you stand and cut out all the petty “I’m mad at you but you’ve got to figure it out on your own .” CRAP.
You need a girl that can communicate not nag you after the fact. I know you’re no angel either. So now you know what to look for or what ask her to change.
Good luck to you both!
May 8, 2008 at 10:59 am
AL!!
DO NOT GIVE UP! She hasn’t given up, and it’s obvious you two care for each other tons!
Don’t forget…EVERYTHING good is worth fighting for…and, EVERYTHING worth fighting for is good!
May 8, 2008 at 11:22 am
I totally agree w/ Charlotte.
No one’s perfect, we all have our flaws and from what I see she has her own. You’d think she was 20 years old.
You both need to do some growing up.
May 9, 2008 at 7:58 am
I know that we don’t know the whole story and quite frankly it’s not our business to know. But based on this blog, I’m wonderng why she didn’t tell you all these things the FIRST time y’all broke up and got back together. Life is so much easier if you just lay it all on the line. If a person knows WHAT to work on then it could different but if you have no clue what is driving someone insane then how can you fix it? I’m just wondering why it took her having to break up with you to get this all out.
Maybe, just maybe, she wasn’t all “in” Al……
May 9, 2008 at 10:42 am
She put up with all those things because she loves you!!! Treat her with respect and give her alone time. It’s the only way it will work. Y’all love each other way too much to give up.
May 11, 2008 at 1:05 am
Ok Big Al - what is up with you? Do you want to grow up or not? You want something like your parents have? Are you sure? Does a bar and Redneck Steve fit into that picture? Because it can. . . but are you sabotaging your relationship b/c you don’t know how each world can include the other? It can, but you have to make the decision to commit time to each one. If Bartendica is that angry with you, guess what? That means she cares enough to hurt - which means love is on the other side of that. If you truly love her, can’t get over her, IF ANDREW IS GETTING MORE PLAY THAT YOU ARE - I’m afraid it’s time for you to “man up” and admit it. Go after her before it’s too late and life has moved on. You can make it work, but mister, it takes work. THAT I guarantee….. best of luck to you!